I need your advice and it ain't going to be pretty.
(if you are squimish or a male, you might want to stop reading. Mr. wriggles and squeals everytime we discuss this.)
Next Tuesday, Mini #1 has to have an outpatient surgery on his boy part*. He has adhesions that need to be cut and he needs to be recircumsized thanks to a botched job the first time.
We went to a children's specialist on Monday and confirmed this and scheduled this surgery. He was SO well behaved and after an initial apprehension of someone messing with his boy part (He told the doctor "only touch it with your hands and not anything straight.") he interacted well with the doctor.
Here is where the advice part comes in.
How should I tell my newly turned 4 year old
"Oh Mini #1, Mommy forgot to tell you that next week you have to go under the gas and get your ________* cut. It will still be there when you come out from the gas and you should be good to go in no time. Love you sooooo much."
Since that is oh so sensitive, thoughtful words for a four year old, and clearly that probably won't win me any World's Best Mom awards, so I need some advice on "the talk."
I don't want to tell him about this yet. He is so smart and also so thoughtful on things. He will think about this constantly, ask me about 5921 questions, and get worked up about it. I am thinking Monday morning I will ease in to it and explain it all and then let him ask the questions.
Like I said, everytime this comes up or the thought pops in to his head, Mr. doubles over in pain and gets in the fetal position so he isn't much help on this. (Mini #1 should really use this to his advantage...Mr. Molly Lou would buy that kid anything because he feels so bad that he will have to go through this.)
I am nervous about this too, but know it is necessary and he will be fine. He should be up and playing by the end of the day, but anxiety issues run high in this family.
After you offer your suggestions, don't forget to submit my nomination for the World's Best Mother award! Deadline soon.
Have a great day.
PS-I used the boy part and ____________ words instead of the P word. I am not a big fan of that unattractive word, although I use it when necessary. I also thought that Google Analytics would have a field day if my blog post made multiple mention of that word. :)
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Thursday, January 28, 2010
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Wow, I wouldn't know where to start! I have a two-year-old son, so I can only imagine what you're going through and trying to figure out how to prep him. Poor little guy! Sorry I'm not much help. I'll just keep you guys in my thoughts, knowing all will go well.
ReplyDeleteOh poor little man! Find a book! I'm serious! I bet you could find a book about surgery.
ReplyDeleteIf not, just keep it simple and I'm sure he'll have questions, but all will turn out well. Kids are naturally curious, but they also trust their parents. If you tell him it will be okay, he'll know it's true. I know for us, Bitsy #1 just appreciates honesty. Yes, it will hurt a little, but you'll be just fine. (And of course, since he's so young and doesn't have any real concept of time in terms of weeks/months yet, I'd wait as long as possible before telling him!!)
Hope I was a little help? Maybe?
Poor Mini #1!! Don't worry...I'll still submit your nomination for World's Best Mother! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my! I don't where to start with that, either!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, this..."only touch it with your hands and not anything straight"...had me and the hubs (in bed with the flu together) laughing out loud.
Seriously, I have absolutely no words of advice. Having a 4yo boy myself, I do not envy you having to tell him. Wish I had some magic wand to wave and make it all be fixed in a jiffy. God bless ya sista!
ReplyDeleteOK... Be straight with him. I agree with Joan. If he still is so anxious and defiant (which he might be if he is so scared), talk to him about his "boy part" is what makes him a boy and that you want it to be just as perfect as he is. And I don't think I'm treading down an obsession with physical perfection.
ReplyDeleteOur youngest was born with a very, very slight hypo spadius (Google it). We had two surgeries when he was a baby (both under 18 months). That part is very important to the male species, and we felt it was important to fix.
I know you will handle it just fine!
I agree with Joan. Honesty is a must. And the promise of a present after it is over. I am serious. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one! I used to teach pre-school and my kiddo were 4 and 5. That's a tough time because they know that their parts belong to them, and they know what's different between boys and girls.
ReplyDeleteThe story you explained to us could be simplified down for a 4 year old:
"When you were born, like some little boys but not all, you had surgery on your boy part. The doctor did a great job and you are perfect from your head to your toes. But, now, we need to have one more surgery. Mommy and Daddy (?) will be there with you the whole time, it's not scary. Did you know Mommy had surgery when __(fill in blank)__ and Daddy once had surgery for his __(fill in blank)__."
Then if questions come up "will it hurt" do your best to be honest but not fear inducing.
Also, you could tell him, we're all different, we all have different bodies, and we all are amazing.
I wouldn't even bring up about being embarrassed or nervous. Don't put those ideas in his mind!
If he's a thinker I would give him some time to process it. But if he's a worrier, maybe not?
This is a tricky! Let us know how you work through it!!
I love that Joan said find a book! That's what I would do...preferably one by Mister Rogers. That man can explain anything without making you upset. God bless him and his sweaters.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank for not using the "p" word. I hate that word so much.